I don't like to complain, nor do I like to reveal my feelings. I have never cared to do either of these things, as I don't feel that either is conducive to getting anything accomplished. I do feel the need, however, to vent and I will do so here, as I have no one I can talk to.
I am depressed. I am the most depressed I have been in years and I am lonely. It's that deep, lonely depression that physically hurts and makes me question why I'm even here. I'm not suicidal, as I consider that an act of cowardice, but I think I've lost sight of myself at some point. I'm just so tired of being alone and being stoic while so many have happiness and warmth and all I have is a cold emptiness.
I also can't seem to find a way to break the cycle. I don't know that I have anything to offer anyone. I've spent so much of my life helping others and yet I don't know how to help myself.
Does this theoretical revolver interest you?
1 hour ago